


Sanji Finally Snaps

by LunaStories



Category: One Piece
Genre: Character death in a very cracky way, Crack, M/M, Mild Language, OOC-ness for humor, Randomness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-27 02:36:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1711865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaStories/pseuds/LunaStories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sanji can't take all those yaoi pairings with him anymore. This is a complete crack fic depicting what would happen if the whole crew, give or take a few, fall in lust with him. Note the LUST not love...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sanji Finally Snaps

**Author's Note:**

> Random Crack fic that I came up with! xD It's very cracky so please enjoy!

xxxxxx

It was just a normal morning on the Thousand Sunny as Sanji hummed a peaceful tune and flipped the eggs that he was frying for his wonderful Robin-chwan and Nami-Swan (And the crew would get the leftovers). Today was eggs and bacon for breakfast, it sounded simple but everything Sanji cooked was always delicious; after all, he always tried his absolute best for his cre- I mean, his beautiful Nami-swan and Robin-chwan.

Little did he know that he was going to experience hell, as a courtesy of the sadistic author.

The first one to crash into the kitchen was, of course, the ever hungry Luffy.

"MEATTT!" came his permanent battle cry as he broke down the door that Franky had just fixed the day before.

Sanji sighed, and wiping his hand on a towel nearby, he turned off the fire (He was done cooking anyways) to face Luffy.

"No, get out. I must serve my wonderful Nami and Robin first." said Sanji firmly before turning back to putting the eggs onto individual plates.

When Luffy didn't respond, Sanji felt something was wrong and turned toward him…only to find Luffy's face inches from his.

He gave a high pitched shriek before regaining his composure and used his foot to shove Luffy off of him.

"What the heck?" Screeched Sanji as Luffy just went back to invading his personal space, unfazed.

Sanji felt that something was very wrong when he saw the glazed look in Luffy's eyes that he usually reserved for meat.

"Mmmm…the meat smells good but you also smell good today Sanji…" said Luffy as he leaned in and licked Sanji's neck.

All Sanji could think was WHAT THE FUCK before successfully shoving Luffy off of him and escaping outside. He ran not ten feet from the door when he crashed into Zoro who was already up and training on the lawn; he fell and cursed under his breath.

Sanji saw Zoro open his mouth to yell at him and braced himself for the onslaught of insults (While planning a few retorts of his own.) but Zoro surprised him by closing his mouth.

Sanji watched in shock as Zoro reached a hand down to help him up, and as if in a trance, Sanji took the hand offered.

Zoro pulled Sanji up…and into a hug while Sanji stiffened up from the weirdness of it all.

"Marry me. Be my woman." murmured Zoro into Sanji's ear.

Well,  _that_  managed to snap him out of it and he kneed Zoro in the gut and flipped him off before screaming "I am nobody's bitch!"

Zoro fell to the lawn on his knees from the pain and Sanji took this advantage to run away.

 _Luffy and Zoro are acting weird today…_  Thought Sanji as he ran around the ship trying to find someone to explain to him just what the fuck was going on.

Luckily (Or not so luckily) he ran into Brooke, one of the older and sensible (When it comes to serious things since he's older he has more worldly experience) of the crew.

Sanji panted and putting both hands on Brooke's shoulders (Though he doesn't have any! Yohohoho! Skull joke!) said "Brooke, there's something wrong with Zoro and Luffy. Come with me and talk some sense into them." Sanji turned gesturing for Brooke to follow him when Brooke stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. Sanji turned around, looking at Brooke with a 'what do you want' kind of face.

Brooke opened his mouth to speak and said "Excuse me, Sanji-kun, but…may I see your boxers?"

Sanji stood there for a maximum of ten seconds before Brooke's skull was successfully through the floorboards.

"I don't do necrophilia!" screamed Sanji as he kicked Brooke deeper into the floorboards.

Just then, Franky who happened to be walking by saw the whole scene and went over to Sanji to scold him.

"Now, Sanji-bro, what ever problems you have, talk them over and stop abusing the Thousand…Sunny…" Franky trailed off when he became near enough Sanji to smell him and that scent.

Suddenly, a spotlight appeared out of nowhere on Franky and he (Who had magically changed into a suit with his Speedos still intact, of course.) produced a flower from his suit and kneeling, said "Yes! Abuse the Thousand Sunny all you want! Abuse me!"

Sanji stared incredulous at Franky and said "Wait…what?"

"Oh! No need to be shy Sanji-bro! I happen to be a masochist!" replied Franky cheerfully as he threw aside the rose and instead produced a whip and handcuffs out of nowhere.

Sanji's curled brow twitched in disgust before Franky's head joined Brooke's in the floorboards.

"I seriously did NOT need to know that." muttered Sanji as he walked away from the weird men, determined to lighten up his day by finding the ladies which presently, he counted as the only sane people on the ship.

Unfortunately for him, Chopper ran into him while heading for the infirmary carrying some needles and bandages.

"Oh, sorry Sanji I was…just…" Chopper's sensitive nose picked up the scent around Sanji and he suddenly changed into walking point which was his true reindeer form.

 _Uh oh._  Was all Sanji could think as he saw the same expression in Chopper's eyes that he had seen in the rest of the men.

Chopper tottered a bit on his legs almost as if drunk.

"S-Sanji, I feel weird…" moaned Chopper as he panted and fell onto the ground.

_Oh, thank god Chopper is too innocent to notice he's in heat._

Sanji then said to Chopper "Don't worry about it. You're going to be like that for a while, take a cold shower and you'll be okay."

"R-really? Thanks, Sanji." replied Chopper as he slowly dragged himself to the restroom.

_Now, I just have to avoid everyone and I'll be okay. Since everyone seems to be in fucking heat. It would be a VERY good idea to just shut myself inside the kitchen for the whole day._

With that thought, Sanji headed for his beloved sanctuary…only to find Robin sitting at the table sipping tea.

"Hello Robin-chwan~! To what do I owe this ho-" Sanji stopped his noodle dance and words when he realized something. If the men where in heat over him then the women…

His brain was in overload at all the things he imagined and this was shown by a very massive nosebleed.

Robin stopped sipping her tea and glanced at Sanji in concern. "Is everything okay, Cook-san?"

"Y-yes, everything's all right, would you like a refill?" asked Sanji as he walked toward Robin.

"If that would not be too much trouble." replied Robin as she handed the cup to Sanji, smiled at him, and continued reading her book.

Sanji waited…and waited…but nothing happened. Frustrated, he leaned closer to Robin, hoping that she would go into heat too and this caught Robin's attention.

"Is something the matter?" she asked curiously because Sanji was invading her personal bubble.

"You're not going into heat too." stated Sanji disappointedly as he stood back up.

"Yes, that may be because Author-san is very sadistic (Which she learned from Oda-sensei of course) and has decided that she would not give you the pleasure of having the women fawn over you. Instead, the men will." replied Robin nonchalantly as she stood up to go outside.

"Wait! What? That's not fair!" cried out Sanji as he followed Robin onto the deck.

"Life's not fair, hun." chuckled Luna, eating popcorn and observing everything from her seat in the sky.

But before Sanji could say anything about it, Franky, Brooke, Zoro, and Luffy all tackled him and started ripping his clothes off.

"Hey! What the fuck? I don't swing that way!" screamed Sanji as he fought them off the best he could.

Just then, coincidentally, Ace appeared out of nowhere on his boat thing and said "Sanji, hurry! Get on this boat!"

Of course, Sanji got away from his hormonal crewmates and jumped into the boat as fast as he could.

The four men made to follow but before they could, Ace had already zoomed far far away into the sunset.

Sanji was facing away from Ace, towards his crewmates so he didn't see Ace advancing on him.

"Oh god, that was very weird. Thanks Ace, I couldn't have escaped if you hadn't… Umm…what are you doing?" asked Sanji as Ace put his arms around Sanji's waist.

"I should get a reward for saving you right?" said Ace as he nuzzled Sanji's neck.

That was when Sanji snapped.

In a random out of character moment, Sanji removed Ace's arms, turned around, and pushed him over board all the while cackling evilly with a maniac glint in his eyes as he screeched "Die, bitch DIE! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!"

He then proceeded to kneel down on the ship and using materials that appeared out of nowhere, started making Voodoo dolls while murmuring "Curse, those bastards. Curse them." And then burst into laughing evilly again.

_fin_

Juuust joking. One more scene…

xxxxxx

Usopp, who was in his workshop at the time, pushed up his goggles and examined the thing he was inventing... He suddenly felt a shiver up his spine and looking around, murmured "I feel like something bad happened…"

_fin_

**Author's Note:**

> So the lesson learned is that Sanji doesn't like being the subject of all those yaoi fanfics out there… BUT since I love torturing Sanji, well, *points to all the Zoro/Sanji fics I have* xD
> 
> I'm sorry for killing off Ace! *Hides from the Ace fangirls* Shoo! Go find Oda xD He killed Ace first O.O I just couldn't resist xD Well, that must be the most random thing I've ever written…O.o I'm totally procrastinating on my other stories. Yay for procrastination! Whoever invented procrastination…I WORSHIP THEE! *Bows down and offers Ace's dead body*
> 
> Leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed! :)


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